The monsters in my head

Dreaming of you

Last night I had the weirdest dream.

But it’s not because I seldom dream of her. In fact, she’s often the monster of my nightmares. But actually this time it was I who was attacking my abuser…

And it didn’t feel right. It didn’t have the sweet taste of revenge I often thought it would have.

It’s noon now and I’m awake, and I still feel that painful pang in my chest.

Maybe my conscience has more goodness than I thought it had.

Daily realizations~

I’m beginning to realize that in order not to feel sorry for myself is to live caring for others.

Hate to feel the way I do in my idle moments, and sometimes those feelings even manage to keep up with me when I’m not. Maybe I’ve never really get over it completely, but I need to be assured that, somehow, I’ll make it through. Day by day.

I’m here, as alone as you are. I can feel your pain as if it were my own, for what it’s worth.

I may not be able to have a solution, but I’m always by your side.

 

It still doesn’t change the fact that I prefer animals over people… or maybe it’s the judgemental ones that make me cringe and walk away so eagerly.

rants from a soul-less being

I tend to forget the reason-s- to keep on getting up in the morning.
scratch that, I tend to forget the reason to keep on getting up at all, and start on living.
It’s not that I’d rather be dreaming all the time, because at those times I only have nightmares

have no idea what am i gonna do with my life, or if i have enough courage of being out there, alone, trapped in the midst of a face-less ocean of people.

I’d say i was scared, but i really do not feel anything at all.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not wish to die, but living is something I’m not keen on either.

Is this normal?
Is being normal a good or a bad thing?

Before I forget

Thank you, mom. I really appreciate u telling me I look disgustingly thin in that outfit.
I aim to please, as always.

I'm not YOU.
I do NOT purge after I eat, I do NOT skip my meals. SO STOP PROJECTING YOUR FUCKING ISSUES ONTO ME.

The most frustrating part of it all is that u conveniently forget about it afterwards.
I DON'T.

So stop asking me for 'reasons' of my 'unfounded anger' towards you.